Why Are Daughters Mean to Their Mothers? Things To Know

As a mother, it can be infuriating when your daughter turns against you and unleashes her wrath in the form of unkind words or behavior.

So, Why are daughters mean to their mothers?

Mothers and daughters are often expected to be close, but there are common reasons why their relationship may become strained. It’s important to consider that daughters typically have valid reasons for being distant or unsupportive towards their mothers.

Some reasons might include a sense of control, intrusiveness, disregard, lack of emotional support, inconsistency, judgment, and self-centeredness on the part of the mother.

There are many cultural and generational influences that contribute to how daughters perceive their mothers which has implications for conflict between them. In this blog post, we will explore some of those underlying causes in an effort to help bring more harmony back into the relationship.

Why Are Daughters Mean to Their Mothers

Psychology Behind Mother-Daughter Relationship

There are a lot of theories out there about the mother-daughter relationship. Some say that it’s the most important relationship a woman will ever have, while others claim that it’s the most complicated.

It turns out that there is some truth to both of these claims. The mother-daughter relationship is indeed very important, and it can also be quite complicated.

One of the most important things to remember about this relationship is that it’s not always going to be easy. There will be times when you don’t see eye to eye, and there will be times when you absolutely cannot stand each other. But if you can get through those tough times, you’ll be stronger for it.

Why Are Daughters Mean to Their Mothers?

When two individuals quarrel about unimportant subjects, it is an indication that their relationship is in trouble.

It also indicates that things are going wrong when your daughter begins to throw temper tantrums and start battling with you on unrelated subjects. She’ll be unconcerned regardless of how she talks to you.

She will no longer like your presence. She won’t want to be in the same room with you anyhow.

You may be just a little too domineering. It’s also possible that you’ve been grounding and grilling her for far too long.

Nobody wants to live in a cage. The same may be said of your daughter when you are attempting to punish her.

She will hate being restricted and, as a result, become chilly with you.

In today’s fast-paced world, mothers are often too preoccupied with their own lives to spend enough time with their children. This may irritate her and cause her to become abusive towards you.

When you believe your daughter is being unkind to you, consider why that is the case. This may be due to your previous behavior.

Taking Decisions For Her

Another important reason why daughters fight or become nasty to their own mothers is that they are no longer children. Adult daughters don’t want someone else making decisions for them.

You must allow her to make her own decisions and value the opinions expressed by her. Stop behaving toward her as you did when she was a kid. This is the only way she will listen to you and communicate with you effectively. 

She may not disagree with you more often if you don’t pry into her issues.

Your daughter will be meaningful to you when she feels that you’re attempting to take command of her life.

You should, however, allow your grown-up child to make her own decisions.

Spying On Her Privacy

Consider, ‘Have you ever tried to intrude on your daughter’s life or her privacy?’

This is one of the most frequent reasons why are daughters mean to their mothers. After all, no one wants someone to pry into their business.

For you, it might be nothing more than a compassionate act or keeping track of your daughter’s activities. To her, it may appear quite stupid.

For instance, you may want to have a peek at her phone from time to time. You could even walk into her room without knocking when she’s occupied doing something personal.

Even if her mother’s life is being invaded, a full-grown daughter will not accept it.

Daughters Are Mean To Their Mothers Because They Are Trying To Establish Their Own Identities

It can be challenging for daughters to establish their own identities, especially when they feel like their mothers are constantly trying to control them. In many cases, the daughter-mother relationship is strained because the daughter is resentful of the mother’s attempts to control her. The daughter may start behaving in a mean or aggressive manner as a way to push back against the mother’s authority.

Mothers Can Inadvertently Contribute To Daughters Being Mean By Putting Too Much Pressure On Them

This can often lead to the daughter feeling overwhelmed and stressed out. When this happens, the daughter may lash out at her mother in an attempt to relieve some of the pressure she is feeling. In many cases, the daughter is not trying to be mean; she just doesn’t know how to deal with the overwhelming pressure she is under.

If you are a mother who feels like your daughter is constantly putting you under undue stress, it is important to try to find ways to reduce the amount of pressure your daughter is under. This can help prevent your daughter from lashing out at you and making things worse. In some cases, simply talking to your daughter about the stress she is under can be enough to help her start managing it more constructively.

It is also important to remember that daughters are often going through a lot of changes during their teenage years.  Therefore, think before you punish her. Try to be understanding and patient with your daughter during this time, and avoid taking her behavior personally. With a little patience and understanding, you should be able to get through this difficult time without too much trouble.

Mothers Should Try Not To Take Daughters’ Behavior Personally

It’s not easy being a mother. You are constantly trying to balance work, home life, and taking care of your children. Oftentimes, you feel like you’re failing. So when your daughter says something mean or does something hurtful, it feels like a personal attack. But try not to take it personally.

Daughters can be mean to their mothers for a variety of reasons. Maybe she’s going through a tough time at school and is taking her frustrations out on you. Or maybe she’s feeling overwhelmed and doesn’t know how to express herself. Whatever the reason, try to remember that it’s not about you.

Mothers and daughters have a special bond, but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Try not to take your daughter’s behavior personally, and remember that she might just be acting out for other reasons. With a little patience and understanding, you can get through this rough patch together.

There are several other reasons why daughters might be mean to their mothers. For instance, teenage girls are often going through a lot of changes and maybe feel insecure and confused. Additionally, some daughters simply don’t know how to communicate effectively with their mothers and end up taking out their frustrations in a cruel way.

It is also important to remember that daughters are often going through a lot of changes during their teenage years.

Try to be understanding and patient with your daughter during this time, and avoid taking her behavior personally. With a little patience and understanding, you should be able to get through this difficult time without too much trouble.

Uncommon Causes Affect Good Mother-Daughter Relationships

Some external factors may take daughters on a road to disappointment. In addition to unclear roles and limits, other factors can negatively affect mothers-daughter relationships. A daughter’s emotions are likely influenced by psychological problems or toxic people. Let’s examine it a little further.

Psychological Problems

Misguided beliefs about themselves or others –  think low self-esteem or trust issues – can prevent a daughter from having a healthy, trusting relationship with her mother. Low self-esteem is often at the root of people-pleasing behavior.

Daughters who feel they’re not good enough are constantly seeking validation and approval from others, which can be exhausting for everyone involved. Trust issues can make it difficult for daughters to confide in their mothers and open up about what’s going on in their lives.

If a daughter doesn’t feel she can trust her mother to keep her confidences, she’ll probably keep them to herself.

Toxic People Could Undermine Good Mother-Daughter Relationships

A person who has a mental health condition or a personality disorder can be detrimental to a mother/daughter relationship. They are often called “toxic”. A toxic person – who does a lot of negative things or a lot of things that make it worse for you – is a person who is often struggling with his or her stress.

It could be husbands, grandmas, or girlfriends of children affecting mothers’ role in their daughter’s life. 

If you’re in an abusive relationship with a toxic person, the first step is to identify the culprit and address it appropriately.

This might mean getting help from a therapist or counselor to deal with the situation. If the toxic person is a family member, you might need to distance yourself from them or set boundaries.

The most important thing is to make sure you’re taking care of yourself and your daughter – both emotionally and physically.

Unrealistic Expectations Could Also Spoil Good Mother-Daughter Relationships

It’s important to remember that mothers and daughters are different people with different interests, values, and opinions. Just because you’re related doesn’t mean you have to be best friends. It’s okay to have disagreements and even argue from time to time.

If you’re finding it hard to let go of the idea that you should be best friends with your daughter, talk to a therapist or counselor about it.

Remember, the most important thing is to have realistic expectations for your relationship and to respect each other as individuals. Only then can you hope to have a good mother-daughter relationship.

Unresolved Anger Or Resentment

It’s common for mothers and daughters to have some unresolved anger or resentment towards each other. If you find yourself feeling angry or resentful towards your mother or daughter, it’s important to talk about it. Don’t bottle up your feelings – this will only make the situation worse.

Sit down with your mother or daughter and explain how you’re feeling. Try to stay calm and avoid attacking them. Instead, focus on explaining how their actions made you feel. For example, “I felt hurt when you said I was lazy.” Once you’ve explained how you feel, listen to what they have to say.

They might have feelings of anger or resentment that they need to express. After you’ve both had a chance to talk, see if you can come up with a solution that works for both of you.

It’s important to communicate openly and honestly with each other if you want to have a good mother-daughter relationship. Unresolved anger and resentment will only poison the relationship and make it harder to resolve conflicts in the future.

Fear Of Intimacy Or Closeness

Another common issue that can affect mother-daughter relationships is fear of intimacy or closeness. This can happen for a variety of reasons. Maybe you had a bad experience in the past where you felt rejected or hurt by someone you were close to.

Or, maybe you’re just not used to being close to people. Whatever the reason, if you’re afraid of intimacy, it will be hard to have a good relationship with your daughter.

The first step is to identify why you’re afraid of intimacy. Once you know what’s causing your fear, you can start to work on overcoming it. If your fear is based on a previous experience, talk to a therapist about it. They can help you work through your feelings and address any underlying issues.

If you’re just not used to being close, try gradually opening up to your daughter. Start with small things and work your way up to sharing more personal thoughts and feelings.

It takes time and effort to overcome a fear of intimacy, but it’s worth it if it means having a better relationship with your daughter.

Different Life Stages

Another reason why mother-daughter relationships can be difficult is because of different life stages. For example, when daughters are going through puberty, they often start to pull away from their mothers. You may think they are going out of control.

However, this is a normal part of development and doesn’t mean that they don’t love or appreciate you. It’s just a phase that they’re going through as they become more independent.

Low Self Esteem

This can happen to both mothers and daughters and can make it hard to relate to each other. If you have low self-esteem, you might feel like you’re not good enough or that you don’t deserve your daughter’s love and respect. Similarly, she might feel like she has to be perfect to earn your love.

The best way to deal with low self-esteem is to talk to a therapist about it. Moreover, they can help you work through your feelings and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

In the meantime, try to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship with your daughter. Accept her flaws and imperfections just as she should accept yours.

Signs that Your Grown Daughter is Being Mean to You

Here are some indications that she is treating you badly based on her behavior.

She Bickers About Nonsense Things

The difference of opinion is natural and acceptable. And this does not imply that you and your daughter should never argue. But you can detect a disagreement with no clear aim, even though she’s prosecuting it aggressively against you.

She’s abusive to you if you’ve noticed she attempts to counter your viewpoint in almost every scenario, and she doesn’t mind adopting a bad attitude.

She Rejects Your Demands Needlessly

If you’ve noticed that your daughter is being difficult toward you in any manner, she’s a witch. We’re talking about circumstances where it makes little sense not to follow your instructions. When your daughter says the air conditioner is too hot but then her demands that it be turned off are ignored without asking her, for example.

She Doesn’t Want You Around

If you believe your grown daughter is being unpleasant to you, observe how she acts in front of you versus when you are not there. Let’s assume she has a party planned and that everyone (both friends and family) has been invited, but she hesitates to invite you or doesn’t feel as enthusiastic about it as she might. She’s probably being unkind to you if this is the case.

How Can You Reconnect With Your Mean Grown Daughter?

We’ve discussed some of the reasons why your daughter may have started acting so rude to you. Let’s now look at some practical recommendations for parents who want to reconnect with their grown daughters.

1. Validate Her As An Adult Family Member

The very first thing that has to be accomplished must be done without thinking. If you’ve realized your daughter doesn’t feel significant or that her treatment was incorrect, act immediately. You don’t have to make any declarations; simply appreciate her as an adult member of the family and take care of adult relationships.

Daughters recognize that you value their opinion as well as respect their decisions over time. This would instill confidence in your daughter at a young age, and she’d cease avoiding your presence knowing that she is appreciated and accepted for who she is.

2. Live Your Feelings Out Loud And Publicly

It’s been shown that getting in touch with your parents regularly helps to strengthen your bond with them. As a result, if something is jeopardizing your connection, you should discuss it.

If your daughter doesn’t usually talk with you or you’ve never before taken the initiative, you must break the cycle.

Communication is a powerful tool for repairing your relationship with your daughter. Simply be honest and discuss how you feel about her as a daughter to your child. Tell her that you understand what she’s going through and that you’d like to try doing it again.

3. Interact With Her And Keep Her Engaged

Another thing that can help you rebuild your bond with your grown daughter who treats you badly is to have discussions and activities with her.

Spreading your feelings in a one-way conversation isn’t going to accomplish anything. You must encourage your daughter to engage more and express her thoughts. Allow her to explain why she acts the way she does towards you.

Spending some time together with other activities is also recommended. It does not have to be as sophisticated as a holiday or as extravagant as a world tour.

We’re referring to the little things that matter here. On Friday nights, you may watch movies together, on Sundays, you may play games with the kids, and so on.

4. Demonstrate Your Undying Devotion To Her

Your two strengths as Parents are your caring relationship and your unadulterated love, no matter whether or not your frown daughter is hostile to you. Nature has implanted both of these in humans. With your unfailing love and assistance, you can melt the heart of your daughter.

For example, if your daughter does not come to your assistance when you requested it, offer yourself so that she may assist you in any way. If your kid tries to avoid coming over on purpose, let her know how much you appreciate it when she takes the time to visit with you.

When your daughter backbites about you, continue to compliment and affirm her good qualities on and off her face. All of this genuine love and pure care will eventually manifest itself, at which point your adult daughter will stop being unpleasant to you.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q1: When a daughter hurts her mother?

Ans:  There is no definitive answer to this question, as each situation is unique and the daughter’s motivations for hurting her mother may vary.

However, some possible reasons why a daughter might hurt her mother include feelings of anger, resentment, or jealousy.

Additionally, the daughter may be acting out in response to stressors in her life, such as financial problems or relationship difficulties. If the daughter is frequently engaging in destructive or harmful behaviors, it is important to seek professional help to address the underlying issues.

Q2: Why is my grown daughter so mean to me?

Ans: It could be that your daughter is going through a tough time in her life and is taking it out on you. Alternatively, she may simply have a difficult personality and gets satisfaction from being mean to you.

Whatever the case may be, it’s important to try to maintain a good relationship with your daughter if possible. If she’s constantly mistreating you, it may be best to distance yourself from her until she learns how to treat you with respect.


There can be a lot of underlying issues at play when it comes to why daughters are mean to their mothers. However, it’s also important to remember that every relationship is different and there is no one-size-fits-all solution to this problem.

If you’re struggling in your relationship with your daughter, try to communicate with her and see if you can work together to improve things. And finally, don’t forget to reach out for help if you need it – you’re not alone in this.

My name is Mark Joseph, and I’m on a mission to help new parents navigate the world of parenting. With over 5 years of experience as a parenting coach, I’m here to provide you with insight into all aspects of pregnancy, childbirth, and raising your newborn baby. Instagram Linkedln Facebook

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