Why is My Grown Daughter So Mean To Me? 6 Reasons & Coping Techniques

Out of nowhere, my once sweet daughter has become mean, hostile, and dismissive towards me. As her mother, this behavior devastates me more than anything else ever could—I just don’t understand the sudden change in both her attitude and actions.

I frequently find myself consumed with worry over what’s causing such a disconnect between us. Have I done something wrong? Am I not doing enough as her parent? What is behind this transformation that has so suddenly changed our dynamics only a few months ago?

Ultimately, why is my grown daughter being so mean to me?

It’s important for your daughter to have healthy coping mechanisms to handle strong emotions. If she doesn’t, she may unintentionally hurt those around her. This could be because expressing her emotions is difficult and those she loves may become the easiest targets for her frustration.

Why is My Grown Daughter So Mean To Me

How To Identify That Your Grown Daughter Is Being Mean To You?

A disrespectful grown child is frequently nasty to her parents for a variety of reasons. But they may also be taunting or sarcastic in their replies. 

Here’s how you can tell if your daughter is abusive and unpleasant toward you:

1. Arguments Over Minor Issues

She does everything to fight back against your arguments, even if it comes at the expense of her feelings. Yes, she is truly nasty if her tone is also unpleasant during these situations.

2. Adult Daughter Hates Your Presence

Do you notice a shift in how she acts, looks at you, or talks to you as soon as you get there? Is it different from when she is alone or with someone else’s family? Perhaps while she invites everyone else, she has stopped inviting you to her house, even for parties.

3. Denies Your Demands

Consider instances where her refusal of some of your requests makes no sense whatsoever. You were most likely asking her to pass you something or help with a household task, and she refuses or declines without a viable cause.

4. Lack Of Kind Gestures

Using little verbal or physical attention, for example, giving you a blanket when you fall asleep on the couch, offering you a meal or a drink when you’ve had a long day, or providing minimal speech or touch, are all good examples. If your own children stop and begin doing the opposite – it is a sign of being mean to you.

5. Intentionally Hurts Your Feelings

There is a distinction to be made between expressing hurtful remarks in the heat of the moment and planning how to inflict pain with your words on purpose. Your daughter probably does the former if she truly wants to wound your feelings by being unpleasant.

Why Is My Grown Daughter So Mean To Me? – 6 Reasons

Your Way Of Parenting Is Inefficient

The type of parenting skills you demonstrate influence the mother-daughter bond. When you are a harsh parent to your daughter, she is more likely to disassociate herself from you as they become an adult. Moreover, she will become temperamental.

You Do Not Respect Her Privacy

You may have been the greatest parent to ever walk the earth, but as your young child grows older, you’ll need to establish some limits. You shouldn’t barge into her room or go through her belongings if she isn’t home because you’re scared she’s hiding something.

Making Decisions On Her Behalf

You are probably disregarding her choices, attempting to overrule them with your own. This is one of the most toxic recipes for cruelty and impoliteness imaginable.

Your Relationship Has Changed A Lot Since Her Childhood

Although it may be painful, you must accept that she no longer requires you to be a helicopter parent. She desires to be treated as an autonomous individual rather than as a child who needs constant supervision and direction from you.


You may not be aware of it, but you are envious of your daughter’s liberty and youth. On the other side, she might feel jealous and overwhelmed by all that you have accomplished in your own life. The tension between you could be caused by jealousy.

Your Relationship Has Always Been Awkward

Even if you do everything possible to create a connection with your daughter, it may not be enough. There may have been times in the past when your kid felt like she wasn’t valued or that she was always failing you.

How To Deal With A Grown Mean Daughter?

1. Communicate Effectively

If you are wondering why is my grown daughter so mean to me, then make a point of confronting your daughter and telling her about the disrespectful behavior. Attempt to do it when your daughter isn’t in a terrible mood. Keep the discussion civil and honest, even if you have different views.

2. Write A Letter

If you’re concerned that confronting your daughter’s behavior might escalate into a major quarrel, writing her a letter may be the best solution. Make sure to write down everything in one place, so you don’t forget anything.

3. Treat Her As An Adult

This is something you must put a lot of effort into, especially if you still see her as a little girl.

4. Be Open To Listen

Encourage her to have a genuine and honest conversation with you. Also, validate her feelings. Instead of defending yourself, be sympathetic. This way, eventually, your daughter will start listening to you.

5. Respect Her Privacy

To begin, you must recognize that there are aspects of her life with which she does not wish to burden you. You must also make it clear to your daughter that, even though you don’t want to be a part of her life any longer, you’d still want to keep in touch with her.

6. Love Her Unconditionally

No matter how terrible your daughter is, make it clear that you are there for her and that you adore her. Spend some mother-daughter time and look for things to do together. Take the opportunity to get to know her as an adult; you may fall in love with who she turns out to be.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Q1: How do you deal with nasty teenagers?

Ans: The best way to deal with a nasty teenager is to try and understand why they are behaving that way. It could be due to hormones, peer pressure, or something else entirely.

Q2: What do you do when grown children disrespect you?

Ans: You should inform them why their conduct is wrong and what the consequences will be if they continue to behave in this manner.

Q3: Is it good to write a letter to a daughter who is disrespectful?

Ans: Writing a letter to your daughter can be beneficial if you feel like you won’t be able to have a calm discussion with her. It will also allow you to express your thoughts and feelings more clearly.

Q4: What is a toxic daughter?

Ans: If your daughter doesn’t care what you think, believes in things that are harmful to you, or disregards your boundaries, it’s an indication of hatred or, at the very least, a lack of interest in you. A poisonous daughter will make cruel remarks about you on purpose.

Q5: My daughter treats me like dirt. What is an unhealthy mother-daughter relationship?

Ans: Family ties can be characterized by a variety of dysfunctional mother-daughter interactions. A daughter’s parental figure may deliver constructive criticism or constructive criticism in the form of criticism.

Q6:Why is my daughter pushing me away?

Ans: Adult children who wish to individuate and grow autonomy may have trouble trusting their decisions and may be afraid of failing under the influence of their mothers. The daughter will frequently withdraw to avoid feelings of guilt or incompetency.


Many parents go through the same thing. The most important thing you can do is to try to build a healthy relationship with your daughter. Take out time to communicate with her, be open to listening to her, and love her unconditionally. Don’t forget, she is your daughter, and she will always love you no matter what.

Sarah here, mother of two here to guide you on your parenting journey. I know motherhood isn't easy, but I'm here to share my wisdom and experience so that you can make the most out of this amazing adventure. Linkedln

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